I know there are tons of listicles on this topic being produced every few hours, but these are the suggestions of a 24 year old extroverted working woman, living alone with no human, canine, or feline contact.
These 21 days have been nothing less than an emotional and psychological roller coaster with me discovering my heart and mind’s capacity to be in a different mood every single day. My descent into total and utter madness was only mitigated because of the following things that I ensured I practised as often as possible. I tried really hard to come up with 21 things but life isn’t always so perfect now is it?
- Acknowledge your emotions and feelings.
These are uncertain, unpredictable and worrying times. All of us will feel a multitude of emotions. We all will have our own unique experiences and realities. It’s very important to remind yourself that your emotions are valid, they are normal and that there isn’t a prescribed or socially acceptable way to feel and behave during these times. I allowed myself to feel a whole range of emotions every single day.
- Wear clean and different clothes every day.
The very simple act of changing out of yesterday’s clothes and putting on something different instantly made me feel fresh and productive.
- Keep cleaning and tidying things around the house.
Now I must admit that cleaning already is a stress-buster rather than a stress-inducer for me, unlike some of you. But trust me, every time you take a break from working or doing something cognitive, do some cleaning around the house. It could be as simple as rearranging your desk/workspace and putting the used coffee/tea mug in the sink, or doing the laundry. By constantly decluttering your surroundings and organising physical things, your mind starts to do the same with your millions of simultaneous thoughts.
- Be shamelessly needy and clingy.
As an extrovert who thrives on the energies and physical touch of loved ones and people around me, surviving the lockdown absolutely alone was extra challenging. But I had my people who received a minimum of 5 video calls and endless messages from me. These included my mother, my best friends, colleagues who were more friends less co-workers. I know these are people who understand how difficult it would be for me and don’t mind me annoying them ten times a day. Find those for yourself and be needy in seeking their virtual love, affection and care. Trust me you need it.
- Be gentle with your professional self.
This was the hardest one for me. I work in the social sector and all our projects have gotten pushed by months due to the pandemic. The deadlines we usually work towards are all up in the air. Finding the motivation to work, to produce results and be productive without having any visibility into the finish line was hard. The thoughts of “What am I even doing this for? Anyway it’s not going to be used at least for another 2 months”, “How and why is everyone around me appearing to be so motivated and productive?” clouded my mind every day. But what kept me going was the constant reminders I had to give myself that it’s ok to feel unproductive one day and the queen of the world the next. I read a post that said that we aren’t working from home but rather at home during a crisis trying to work which describes it perfectly.
- Create your own lockdown routine.
While everyone has been saying that we should all try to maintain our regular routines in order to maintain normalcy and continue being productive, I realised I personally disagreed. Nothing is normal or regular about the situation we are in. Keeping routines as true to the original may work for some, but I felt the need to create a lockdown version of mine. This meant waking up and spending double the time on social media, video calling my mom and starting to work a lot later than usual. Because I was cooking three meals a day, my routine obviously had to accommodate for that which meant longer breaks. While on most days I tried wrapping up work by 6 p.m., there were days when I didn’t feel like working all afternoon and only resumed at 5 p.m. after a strong cup of adrak chai. Basically what I’m getting at is that find out what works for you, tune into how you’re feeling and create your own lockdown routine. Sticking to your usual routine just might end up stressing you out even more!
- Find and curate daily experiences that make you laugh.
These are near dystopian times we are in right now and we all can do with a little joy and laughter in our lives. I actively and consciously sought out and curated experiences that made me laugh every single day. This meant tricking YouTube into constantly recommending me all things I find funny by watching tons of British stand-up, cats being cats, Phineas and Ferb, and Brooklyn 99 funny moment compilations. I also began following random meme pages on Instagram and Facebook and cleansing my feed of negative and trigger worthy content.
- Restart something you left midway.
There were many items on this list but after a random conversation with my friend, I took up brushing up on my Spanish which I had left halfway a few years ago. Not only did it bring me joy because Spanish is a fun language and Duo Lingo is a fun app, but it also made me feel productive and accomplished outside of work. It gave me something to do every day and even if it was for just 10 mins. I knew all of it would eventually add up to me being able to understand Despacito one day and that was enough of an incentive to keep going.
- Start a new habit.
They say it takes 21 days to build a new habit and how convenient that we were in lockdown for exactly those many days! The habit I inadvertently started cultivating is that of creating a night time skincare routine that works for me. The simple act of cleansing and toning my face every night before bed is the investment I decided I would take towards better skin. And by the end of this lockdown I know there won’t be a peaceful night’s sleep in my cards unless I wash, tone and moisturise.
- Step outside (with caution).
Try to make it a point to step outside and interact with the real world at least on a weekly basis. Wear a mask, put on earphones and step out. Feeling the fresh air and sounds of the outside after being cooped up 24/7 alone in an apartment is a welcome change and an instant mood lifter. My excuse was groceries. It’s easy and natural at this time to find ways to not step out. And there is a strong argument for it. But unlike animals in a zoo we have the privilege and luxury of choosing to move around (with caution). But remember, wear a mask, wash your hands the minute you get back, and fight the urge to randomly touch people (which was a very real urge for someone like me who was experiencing absence-of-physical-contact withdrawal very intensely).
- Try to keep your weekend a weekend.
We all have woken up practically every day forgetting what day of the week it was. Each day has morphed into the next and life feels like an endless loop. But use a reminder, a physical calendar or another person to remind you of the weekend. I ensured that like any other normal weekend I spent my weekends during lockdown not working and doing normal weekend stuff. Now for some of us that may not be feasible because of working hours and timelines being all screwed. In that case find any two or at least 1.5 days in the week when you can take a break from work. Trust me you need it. It may seem pointless but it really isn’t.
- Lend an ear to a friend.
While I did mention that you should find people to rant to during this time, it’s also helpful to be that person for someone else. While it can be mentally draining at times and may seem unpleasant, it really helped me feel like I’m not alone. It reminded me that there are others who are struggling and trying to survive too, and that shared experience was comforting.
- It’s ok to tell others to stop.
Yes you are staying in touch with friends and family and yes you want to mutually share life updates, but when all that someone shares is how they are living it up during the lockdown with their family or loved ones, you can tell them to stop. I’m not saying you should be rude and tell them to stop talking to you altogether, but ask them if they could tone down the daily updates. It would be helpful. I did exactly that and told a close friend to reduce the amount of pictures he sent of the food he cooked with his family. All that they did was remind me of happy times in the kitchen with my mom and that made me miserable. He understood. So will your friends.
- Find ways to treat yourself
You are attempting to live and survive in very weird times. Congratulate yourself and celebrate having survived another exhausting day. Treat yourself occasionally with things that make you feel good and happy. For me it was a butter chicken rice bowl, noodles and hot garlic chicken and binge watching The Newsroom for hours straight. Identify what makes you happy and give yourself tiny treats now and again. You’ve definitely earned them!
- Have a good cry
Now I know this is a controversial one. I am an avid supporter of crying and giving my tear ducts full control of me more often than I admit to. That’s my coping style. When I feel grief, sadness, frustration or even mild irritation, it stays with me until it’s literally out of my system in the form of tears. And I allowed myself hour long crying sessions whenever I needed them during the lockdown. They don’t make me feel nice during, but once I was done, I felt mentally lighter. Maybe you don’t agree with me, but my only suggestion is to allow yourself to feel that grief, anger, sadness and not fight it. Experience it and allow your mind to do what it needs to cope. An anger volcano is dangerous if left to spontaneously combust unannounced.
- Make a post lockdown to-do list
I had the most fun with this one. Think of all the things you would do after the lockdown ends and you have your mobility back. This can be as random as spending a day at the beach or as specific as sipping a pint at Bob’s Bar at 4pm in that pretty summer dress that you adore. Imagining the things I will do once this ends and making plans with my loved ones not only gave me a sense of hope and something to look forward to, but it also reminded me that this pandemic is temporary and it will end one day. It also helped me realise what the things were that I truly valued in life. For me it was sunshine, my best friends, water, and well… beer.
- Talk to yourself. Out loud.
I promise I’m not crazy. Call it the side effect of growing up a single child with working parents or me being extroverted, but talking to myself out loud always helps me. One, it killed the eerie silence that loomed in my home 24/7. Two, it helped me vocalise my persistent thoughts and transfer them from my overly cluttered brain to out in the open. Lastly, it helped me listen to myself and realise whether what I was thinking was batshit crazy or actually sensible. It was a 50-50 thing with me usually. Try it out for yourself, especially if you too are living alone.
- Invest time in discovering and doing things that put you in a state of ‘flow’
A renowned psychologist defines flow (or being in the zone) as a mental state where, while doing an activity, one is fully immersed in a feeling of energised focus, full involvement and enjoyment in the process of the activity. Long story short, the feeling of time absolutely flying when doing something you truly love and enjoy. I tried to spend my time engaging in activities that helped put me in that mental state. Cooking with Punjabi music blasting in my kitchen, writing quotes that I love in a diary, video calling loved ones were some of the activities that helped me lose track of time and made me feel content after. They brought me pure joy and helped me pass time on days when I needed a break from my intrusive and negative thoughts. Try discovering what those activities are for you and put an effort into making time for them.
So, there you have it. My super long list of unsolicited advice. This helped me and I wish for it to help you too.
