There are emotions that a depressed person feels, and there are no versions of them. You feel
alone, you feel hopeless, you carry on with your day not knowing where it is going. You cannot “picture” a happy future, something that is so essential in order to live. You constantly think what is wrong with you, and there is guilt inside because everyone else seems to be doing it right. There are people living in difficult circumstances, there are people living with depression, and they are still able to get up and help themselves. You feel alone, dejected, like a misfit. You feel guilty about being this person. Many a time we are “intelligent” enough to be able to crack the exam, have a family that is there to support us, have a job which may be paying well, have a “reason” to pass the day and live, but we are not able to. There is a feeling of being stuck, of not understanding how to deal with the situation, feeling emptiness before sleeping, feeling emptiness the moment you get up, and not wanting to get up. At times you feel so much suffocation, and yet, you are unable to get out of your bed, and these are not just “times” or hours in a day, so many times it goes on and on for days at a stretch and then it comes back. You think that you are fine and you want to stick with your routine, but the moment you are all alone for half the day, or if someone says something that triggers you, or if you see someone else being happy in their life, you end up sulking alone.
If you know someone who has depression, there are things that you should be doing. It is not about your “choice” of behaviour towards them, but if you really care then you have to be a certain kind of person. One of the most important things is patience. Kindly be patient with a person dealing with depression. For example, if your friend calls you up crying that she is feeling stuck and nothing is working and that she is feeling hopeless, try to meet her. Go for a coffee, or a walk in the park. And if you’ve asked her to come and meet you, and then she eventually decides to not come at all, or comes after an hour, it may have happened because it really was difficult for her to get up. You have to understand that depressed people do act irritated. They want to be left alone, they are sad inside and feel alone. What is needed is for you to say, “I stand by you no matter what and I love you”. Even if there is a single person in the life of people suffering from depression, who really understands them, that person becomes an asset and a life-thread. A person who takes the guilt away, who is ready to take that extra effort of being nice, who talks and asks about their mental state, who is genuinely concerned about them and who does not let the other person feel like they are being a problem or like they need to ‘pretend’ to be ‘normal’. It is not your constant presence which is important, but your genuine presence, a presence that acknowledges the state of another person.
It is not that people with depression are constantly in the ‘ditch’, but they are near it almost always. There are times when that person is fine for a few days, a week, or even months. And then there are cases of severe depression, which is almost paralysing. It is really not a nice state to be in. To feel stuck, pointless, worthless in those moments or days. Friends and family members have an important role to play. A little confidence-boosting statement, or saying “We love you and care for you” means so much. When they resolve to not give up, and tell the person that they will not leave them alone, that matters so much.
Being in depression, and not knowing how to get out, makes me feel vulnerable. As if what I am capable of doing is getting obstructed to a big extent because of it. When you’re in depression, you fail to see it, you fail to be in the moment and “act”. I have realised the importance of action and still, I fail every now and then to drag myself out of the room, or out of the “feeling” . I judge myself all day long. There are so many days when I wake up with a terrible feeling of being nothing, and that this life is not worth it and that I cannot bring happiness into other people’s lives. That I have become a “zero”. Even when your hands are busy with work around you, there is a lack of enthusiasm and spirit. It feels terrible to be in depression, really. What helps are the little things. What helps is sitting in the sun, getting up early, cleaning the room, getting myself out of the room, running, and practicing self-compassion .
Self-compassion means being kind to yourself. If you are not feeling like doing something, then don’t do it. Why do we have to constantly track our lives, and allow ourselves to be compared. I may not be the best looking person in the room, or I may look fine, but I still feel emptiness inside of me. There are so many reasons due to which a person starts demeaning their worth. The reasons can range from your skin tone, your critical parents, or being someone who doesn’t fit the male/female binary. It can also be because you just got married and face constant judgements, or you’re able to reduce weight and are facing constant advice from peers and family members, or perhaps you’re working hard and yet are constantly nagged for not earning enough. There are so many internal insecurities that we start developing, be it our idea of success, or beauty, or a good life-partner, or a good employment. We put too much pressure on ourselves, for being a good daughter, son or father.
We put too many standards on ourselves, and thus, there is a need to be compassionate towards ourselves when we’re having a bad day.
Depression is almost always present, but watching our thoughts and actions on a daily basis can help. Easier said than done, but we’re all entitled to a good life. It is important to be calm and carefree, and to switch our activities consistently if the depressive feelings start creeping in. Sometimes, even without thinking, you have to just do what you should be doing. Things like taking a bath and having juice. Even this much has the power to help you. I wish you well.
