There are times in our lives when we don’t feel anything good, things are not going as we want, relationships start losing the essence they always carried, career takes a hairpin turn, life is hitting hard without any compassion. There are times when we feel pain, remaining unaware of its root, when sleep doesn’t remain sleep anymore, when we feel like lying on the bed most of the day is the only thing we are good at. Often we face days when we want to cry, completely unaware of the cause. Some days we skip meals and some days we binge eat. Days become weeks, months and years.
When we see ourselves in the mirror, and we find ourselves entangled in a web stitched by us. And some people who call themselves doctors define this web as “depression”. At this point of time we often unknowingly want to hear a short sentence, “Don’t worry Sweetheart…I’m there for you”.
Sometimes, little things lead to big consequences, a tight hug from a loved one can thaw our deep-seated pain into tears. But think, is this enough in taking us out of the entangled web of sorrows? I guess not! It’s not enough. In order to smile, firstly we need to accept that everything we are going through has been labelled correctly by our doctors as “depression”. The next most important thing is to understand that this is a mental health problem and it can be treated completely. Thirdly, the most difficult part is consulting a psychiatrist. It’s the most difficult step in terms of “duniya kya kahegi”? (“What will people say?”)
It’s a society-driven stigma against mental health problems. Here, we need to understand that it’s not society which is facing depression… The onus of suffering is upon us and not them. We are responsible for our own health, whether it’s physical or mental health. In this society driven country, India, since birth we have been told about mental health problems, “Ssshhhhh….Kisi ko mat batana.. Nahi to log pagal samjenge.” (“Don’t tell anyone what…people will think you’re ‘mad’”)
I mean, what the hell is happening? I am trying myself, but that is not sufficient to come out of the bog. I need someone’s hand. What shall I do now? Guardians do not accept the fact that depression exists, and moreover, society holds up a flag criminalizing mental health consultation. Some of us believe that the only option left with us is suicide. When someone takes their life, they leave behind sorrows for their loved ones.
Is this what we want from our life?
We are living in a smartphone generation where we can scroll through the whole world on our fingertips, where we take out rallies to get caste-based reservation, where demonetization is considered as a huge step in India’s history. But our Indian society has pledged to perpetuate the stigma against mental health problems. It’s more than “one hundred years of solitude”; we refuse to admit the existence of mental health problems. We deny the acceptance of mental health.
One day, I decided to talk to Society on behalf of all of us who embrace sadness as an armour.
Dear Guardians, Society & all these “educated” people who deny the acceptance of mental health. We are humans like you. But unfortunately, somewhere down the line, we fell into depression. We tried a lot to ignore it, but eventually, we failed. Dear Society, we don’t need anything from you. Can you please do us a favour? We want you to put your feet in our shoes and tell us what you feel. After a few minutes, Society replied, “This is hurting my feet and I can’t walk”. We replied, “This is what depression feels like. This is what we are going through. Silence, filled with someone’s bawl for help, and someone’s feelings of shame and guilt.”
What did I learn from those dark days?
I understood one thing very clearly, that no one invites sadness in his/her life. It’s a mental health problem which can happen to any of us at any stage of life. And we have two choices in front of us, either we stand up against the wind and swim across our troubles, or we surrender, making sadness our friend, and forget to smile ever again in life. It’s up to us what we want in our life.
I’ll always remember a famous dialogue from one of my favourite movies Rocky, “The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!”
Some of us travel with strength, and some of us travel with pain, but all of us have to travel through darkness before we can reach Maslow’s Self- Actualization stage.
