It was during the middle of the day at school. I eventually don’t remember what day it was but I recall it was my biology class. I was casually sitting beside my friend while our biology teacher was teaching in a very silent environment. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt my hands get cold and my ears weirdly get these hot flashes. By the time I realized, I felt that I was gonna lose my mind and could feel the shivering from inside. I tightly held against the bench. It seemed like the end of the world, and there’s nothing worse than this. However, I decided to get up and ask my teacher to let me use the washroom. As I remember, as soon as I entered the washroom I bawled out my eyes with overwhelming emotions which were so uncontrollable. I glanced at every sad memory of my life or every bad thing I had experienced in my head. I really didn’t understand why was this happening to me because I always considered myself as a strong person no matter what happened. A couple of minutes had passed by then my friend had come around searching for me. I was so ashamed to confess that I had an anxiety attack. If you may ask why? I couldn’t figure out. But probably, because I didn’t want to portray a weak side of mine. I somehow made it through the day and returned back home. I thought this was gonna happen only for one time but guess what? It didn’t. Time had started to get tough, tougher than what I anticipated. Nobody around me knew, but then finally I opened about it to my mother. I was very glad that I asked for help, both medically and emotionally.
Since then years have passed. away. Now that look back I really wish I told my 15-year-old self that the pressure of board examination wasn’t going to determine entire my life, or having to pretend to be someone else just so I was accepted by others wasn’t necessary at all. I wish I told myself that everything was gonna be okay and I didn’t really have to care about a thing which had lead me to so much pain from within to a point I had to break down. There were many “ifs” and “wishes” but now that I have come along the way I would be lying if I said I don’t have anxiety or sad times anymore. Of course, I do. Everyone does and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I admit that I am an anxiety disorder survivor and that I choose to fight every day. Just some days are better than others.
One thing I’ve realized is that need to break the stereotypes to create a place where everyone is comfortable enough to share their own stories openly without the fear of criticism. So, this was my story dealing with anxiety.
