GARIMA JOHAR • FEMALE • 25 • NEW DELHI
She wanted me to take help of the medications and so just look out for physical symptoms. So I was that scared of being myself. There was kind of bullying.
I first realized I was struggling when…
Once I entered my college, I, you know, kind of groomed up with the people who knew what mental health is and they kind of, you know, got me introduced with the mnemonics of mental health like differentiating between stress and anxiety and I’m not lazy. Maybe it could be depression underlying or so things like that. So then I, you know, visited my college counselor and I like went to her when I had like my first breakdown episode at my college.
I had some issues with my friends like every, you know, normal college student does. But for me, it was something else, you know, because I thought that it was like the end of the world and it affected me that way and as per them, it might have been an anxiety attack or something. So then she, you know, asked me to fill in a couple of forms and as per those, you know, she told me that, you know, we could actually start involving a psychiatrist in between because as per, you know, the psychometric tests, I had like moderate depression.
Difficulties I faced
So going to her wasn’t the problem. I think the problem occurred when she told me that you know I have to see a psychiatrist So I was 18 years old and there was a lot of stigma attached in my class I was already the girl who posted like those sappy depressing stories on Instagram and It came to me as a surprise that you know Like the mental health and anxiety and depression I talked about so Carelessly not carelessly – fearlessly – Could actually, you know, knock at my door and I would be the one who’d be you know.
Going through that therapy and all of that But yeah, so the major challenges I faced were The criticism I got from my classmates There was kind of bullying I’d say because you know, they’ve seen me go to the counsellor’s room They’ve seen me write about those things and in groups, you know, I could like I would be getting comments like, you know, you don’t know how depression is you your hair with us and You know, you’re talking with a smile and you don’t know what depression is like people who have depression did know and Just because I could fake a smile or you know, I was able to or you know I made myself forced myself to come up to have a conversation with them made them think that What I was going through wasn’t real enough.
Going through that therapy and all of that But yeah, so the major challenges I faced were The criticism I got from my classmates There was kind of bullying I’d say because you know, they’ve seen me go to the counsellor’s room They’ve seen me write about those things and in groups, you know, I could like I would be getting comments like, you know, you don’t know how depression is you your hair with us and You know, you’re talking with a smile and you don’t know what depression is like people who have depression did know and Just because I could fake a smile or you know, I was able to or you know I made myself forced myself to come up to have a conversation with them made them think that What I was going through wasn’t real enough.
So all those things actually put me down more because I thought that maybe it’s all in my head And I’m just making a very big deal out of it. Maybe it’s not real So that was a whole journey But then after changing like one therapist I got like a credible resource and It’s been like five years since I’m having the same psychiatrist.
So thankfully I got the good one And he made me understand that I did have Actually, I had like endogenous depression which is like something hereditary it had nothing to do with me and Yeah, anxiety disorder and for a very brief amount of time I had Social anxiety because of all the things that happened to me during college. So I Had to like miss my classes and even though I didn’t have to miss my classes My best friend used to you know Actually mark a proxy for me even though I was sitting right next to her because I couldn’t just say present With like 200 kids in the same class. So I was that scared of being myself.
What helped me most
I think writing has been the biggest coping mechanism. I used to write a lot when I was a teenager. I wrote when I was in my college. I made three books out of them and I’m still writing. I work as a senior content writer at a firm now. So yeah, writing helps. Journaling and at times talking to friends about it. But apart from therapy and medications.
What I want others to know
When you, first of all, you don’t have to have some major traumatic experience to face any of, you know, a mental health disorder. You could even have like a stress or anxiety that could hamper your day-to-day activities. So just look out for physical symptoms. And you know, when you think that you’re not able to perform like you used to or you’re not able to enjoy the things that you loved the most. So maybe that’s the time when you, you know, need to talk about it. If not to a professional, maybe to a friend, but talking helps. So it’s okay to talk about it.
