Hi, my name is Tarini Chawla, and I’m an alcoholic. Just kidding, or maybe not, I really can’t say. But It’s back on track. I’m Tarini Chawla and I am 26 years old and I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Yes ladies! You heard me right – the crazy bitch syndrome! Anyway, after three years of visiting multiple psychiatrists and psychologists, I was finally put on medication after 3 years– if you don’t know the difference, please google it! Now! Honestly, I had to google too, not the doctors, but the disease itself. And that came as quite a surprise to me. No one would believe that I didn’t know something about mental health. I was a self-proclaimed expert of mental health at the age of–wait for it–10. And why would I not be? Since I was a child, I’ve been surrounded by people with severe depression, including my own mother. I saw my mother not being able to get out of bed in the mornings,make that afternoons, through no fault of her own. And silly me, I thought it was the normal reaction to finally getting the courage to leave your abusive, alcoholic prick of a husband and finally feeling safe enough to sleep in your own bed. But evidently, that was not the case. She was diagnosed with severe depression and has been on medication most of her life. What a surprise right? After years of being beaten and abused–both verbally and physically, mind you – it came as quite a surprise to everyone! And of course, as per Indian norms, no daughter can ever be accepted back into her home – especially if it was a love marriage. Because it is only to be expected that she try to adjust and compromise. And if something really wrong is actually happening, it has to have been her fault? She was obviously asking to be beaten. Add to that the fact that depression back then was only for the elite.
So there we were – my mother, my sister and I, a big wall around our hearts (whatever was left of it anyway), having moved to a new city, trying to create a livable world for ourselves.
