It was a scary day and a scary night followed. Different people might have different responses to being diagnosed with a simple yet taboo disease like depression.
My first response was denial.
Well, typical of me, I guess.
When my doctor said I had depression my next question was, “Do I really need to take antidepressants?”. I know it might be similar to asking if it is necessary to breathe to live. It might be a basic and borderline dumb question, but cut me some slack! I didn’t know what depression is and I didn’t want to take antidepressants because I thought they might make me slow. And if they did how would I ever write?
Out of all my supposed achievements in life I have always have considered writing to be my gift. I might not use big words or dazzle people with my use of obscure literary passages, but I believe I can connect with them. I can amalgamate my life experiences with the subject I’m writing on and bring forth a piece that resonates with the reader.
However, as enjoyable as it might be, writing takes a toll on a person. I am continuously thinking about at least five or more stories at a time in order to move them forward or bring forth some improvement. In the back of my mind, there is always a doubt that I’ll not make it mainstream, and my pages will remain scattered in a dark alley far away from my readers.
With depression, a new, and rather big worry entered my life. A worry that after all those childish jokes about being crazy, I might very well be. Worse, I might remain so. Most people regard mental disease-or its worst form- madness as a familiar yet distant concept which undoubtedly exists in a faraway world but not in their vicinity. Like them, I had built up a fictional and incomplete understanding of what it is like to have depression or rather depression looks like.
I say ‘looks like’ because no movie in the history of filmmaking has dared to show how a mad person actually feels. Filmmakers show their own understanding of mental disorders from an external perspective failing to catch how a person living with the ailment might feel like.
Fortunately, my doctor didn’t have any such misconceptions and cleared my doubts about what depression exactly is. He told me that depression just like the common cold, is quite commonwell maybe, not as common but still)and almost every person at some point of their life experiences depression. The only difference is the degree or severity of that depression.
Another doctor explained this in a very unique way. They said that our mental equilibrium is just like a weighing scale and is balanced through various bodily functions. However, when this sensitive balance is hindered and can’t be managed by the body alone, an external nudge is needed to help balance it. That external nudge comes from the antidepressants. Same as a fever; the only difference being that the body part that has been affected is the brain. And we all know how much of a taboo, ailments related to the brain are.
Antidepressants he explained, is a name given to a particular category of medicines under which come many different and vastly diverse subcategories of treatment options. SSRIs or Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors which I had been prescribed don’t slow down the brain activity or result in any such side-effect. SSRIs quite simply and as their name suggests hinder the reuptake of Serotonin in Nerve synapses resulting in a higher amount of Serotonin in your body. This is only done because the disease that you have lowers the amount of Serotonin which in turn leads to depression. Serotonin is the feel-good hormone of the body; an absence of which makes us grumpy, lethargic and unwilling to perform any activity. Naturally an increased amount of it makes our mood generally positive and joyous. SSRIs instead of making you slow, make you happier and ready to take on the world; the extra nudge that we were talking about.
Of course, as any medical professional or logical person will tell you, the medicine alone can’t help. You have to change your lifestyle for the effect of the medication to be long term. You can’t practically take antidepressants all your life, right? SSRIs give you a temporary nudge to keep the balance in your favour. However, when you stop taking the meds, the balance will tend to shift back to the opposite direction; something we call withdrawal symptoms.
So, to make sure you stay healthy, happy and healed in the long term you need to make sure the medication is slowly replaced by a lifestyle change that results in the same Serotonin boost as the meds. This can be anything depending on who you are or what makes you tick. However, having a good and healthy hobbies like music, yoga, or sports helps. For me it was my family’s love and their constant support, Sufi music and of course writing. Most importantly you should invest your time in an activity which makes you happy; something which dulls the pain caused by the mundane tasks of life. To not get lost in the metallic fog of this over-competitive world, it is essential to take some time out for yourself and the people you love. That is what ultimately keeps you healthy throughout life; physically as well as mentally.
Believing you have a problem is the first step towards being healthy. When I realised, I had a problem, and most importantly there’s a solution; then only I could take a step forward towards healing myself. If I can do it, you can do it too.
*Views and opinions expressed in this article are the author’s own.
